Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
