omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
