I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
