Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
