FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
