I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
is this the sara with the beer cane?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
