im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
