my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I have fence marks all over my body
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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