i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
