Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
