The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
