you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
