Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
