I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
only if we run a train.
done.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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