It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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