She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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