This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
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