my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
