He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Houston, we have a blender
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
