i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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