dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
