New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
