I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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