Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
