hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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