He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
