I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Randomize
