based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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