no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
