what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
