Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
