After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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