we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
