ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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