i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I touched a dick in church today
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
