roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
