Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
