YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
