remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
