just come out here and I will go home with you...
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I'm like, not good at living.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize