Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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