So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
