He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
