If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
