My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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