I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
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