Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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