Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
