i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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