well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Pińatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
