This is not my ceiling
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
