So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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