I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Randomize