They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Damn victory sex feels great
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