The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
