conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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