From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
