i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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