he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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