see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
