Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
