Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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