Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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