Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
