I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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