I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
