Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Swine flu is the new snow day.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
