Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
