I wish I could teleport
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
