i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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